Saturday, February 9, 2013

Louie (Part 4)

Where would be a lovely spot for my home? Louie wondered.

Louie wasn’t paying attention to the road in front of him, and when he looked forward again, he had to swerve to miss a blue minivan.  The van honked at him.  “Well, I never,” said Louie.  He then came to a screeching halt behind a grey car at a red sign.  The grey car had a light ticking on and off.  After a moment, the grey car turned right toward the busy highway.  The road to the left was empty of other cars, so the spider decided he would turn left.

Now, there’s something I’m forgetting to do thought Louie.  He then remembered the light on the right side of the grey car blinking.  “Tick.  Tick.  Tick.  Tick,” said Louie mimicking the sound of a turn signal.  He then made his left turn down the quiet street.

Louie drove and drove.  He passed but one car along the way.  Some of the houses had people sitting on the porch.  A few watched Louie’s car pass by and scratched their heads confounded[SB1] .  Others paid no attention whatsoever to the red car with yellow hood.  Soon Louie came to the end of the street.  He gradually came to a halt.  Looking up, Louie saw a big, dark house.  It had a porch with stairs leading up to it.  The grass was a little overgrown.  The mailbox at the end of the drive read “Copperpot”.

“Copperpot.  Copperpot,” Louie said to himself.  The name sounded familiar.  The People that lived at his former house spoke of a Mr. Copperpot.  It wasn’t well-known what he did, for the few times he was home, he kept mostly to himself.  “Some say he’s gone to Africa,” the Lady would say.  “No,” the man would say.  “That’s nonsense.  He goes to visit a sick relative.”

Louie cautiously pulled into the driveway of the gloomy house before him.  There was a breeze grabbing the front screen door blowing it open and creaking[SB2]  it shut as if the breeze was bored.  Some mice rooted in a hole along the side of the great house.  Behind the house was a shed well past usefulness.  Beneath an awning sat a chair.  Louie drove the little red car with yellow hood beside the chair and stopped.

It was getting dark, and Louie was tired from his day’s trip.  He began to make his way back to his compartment.  Louie climbed along the dashboard and sluggishly crawled along the door, but hadn’t made it halfway when he heard: [SB3] 

“What’s this?”  A slow, haggard[SB4]  voice spoke into the night.  Louie pulled back in fear.  The old man who stood beside the little red car must be Mr. Copperpot.  From where he was, Louie couldn’t see much of the man other than his belly covered in a white shirt and the top of his brown trousers held up by suspenders.

Mr. Copperpot walked around the little red car with yellow hood.  “How did this get here,” wondered the old man aloud.

Louie could see Mr. Copperpot at the back of the red car.  The old man bent over.  A worn face with a small scar by the left eye showed through the window.  [SB5]   Mr. Copperpot examined Louie’s beautiful web.  Still bent over, he made his way to the side where Louie sat on the door, not daring to move.

 [SB2]Not technically a verb.  What other word could I use here?
 [SB3]Does this break work?
 [SB5]Too long and complicated a sentence for kids?

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