Dinosaurs in Manhatten - Jan 18 2008

Does anyone else out there feel like they're not doing what they would really love because they're too scared? I.e., I want to be a writer, but I'm scared of it. Particularly a screenwriter, but any writing (excluding journalism, sales, etc) would be fan-flippin-tastic.

But fear invades.

Not fear of rejection. No, if it were that, I would have stuff I'd written but I wouldn't show it to anyone that matters as far as a career is concerned. No, I hardly ever write anymore. And that makes me very sad.

The key to being a writer is to write everyday. Forget the whole bit about "writing what you know" crap. Write about castles among the clouds, dinosaurs that travel the social circles of Manhatten, your very first birthday party -- just write.

I don't know exactly what I'm afraid of....excuse me....Of what I'm afraid, I don't know exactly. (Shouldn't end a sentence with a preposition .) Perhaps I'm afraid that if I write, I'll be too scared to do anything...no. Perhaps I'm afraid...no.

I don't care what I write -- I'd write silly romance novels if it meant I could write -- and I'm so desperately (or is it despairingly) lonely right now, I can come up with some humdinger stories. Really, screenwriting is the way I want to go. I've always loved the movies and have wanted to give back to them in some way. At first I wanted to do that by acting, but I'm just okay at acting, and I'm certainly not pretty enough. But writing -- I'm a good writer. And you can be plain and be a writer.
So I should just shut up and write. Just shut up, grab some discipline and write. Write something everyday. That's what a writer does.

Talking like this, one might wonder how I ever get anything done. One might never believe I have a strong work ethic, nor believe how much I care about getting my job done and doing it right. But I'm so bored and complacent there (at my current job), it smothers any other motivations I have. Plus, I'm too comfortable.

I know what I'm afraid of...of what I am afraid. The unknown. Terrorfied. it's so much easier to give up, but I know in the end, looking back on my life -- before then even -- I'll hate myself for it. Hate myself for not trying. Oh, how I need a Chris Chambers in my life.

So, I should just shut up and write.

But seriously, am I the only one out there who feels this way? Anybody?